Oddities

Each day continues to feel stranger than the next. The out of body experience continues.

I don't recognize my life anymore. I looked in the mirror today, and my reflection was surprising and foreign. Pleasing, but unfamiliar.

Right now, I'm lost somewhere between sadness and happiness. There are moments of elation, and then, when I'm alone again, I slip into my old self. It's confusing, and disorienting.

When I look back at this time in my life, I wonder if I'll be able to remember any of it? I can't even remember everything that happened yesterday. It's so strange--I've never felt like this before.

When a caterpillar is metamorphosizing, does it ever pause to admire the changes in process? If so, I bet it feels like me right now.


I'm also a bit stunned. I had a long, beautiful yet disturbing conversation with my sister tonight. We talked a lot about our family, both immediate and extended. The amount of dysfunction is horrifying. I know everyone complains about having dysfunctional families, but I think ours crossed a line, past the Lifetime miniseries stage, past the 20/20 or Dateline specials, and right into shit that just doesn't get publicized. I'm simultaneously impressed with us for turning out as well as we did, and disgusted. I'm left wondering how I can possibly attend the next family reunion without puking everywhere.

I'm sad. I'm happy. I'm horrified. I'm proud.

I'm hungry.