On Being Alone

This is what it feels like to be alone.  

It feels like a wild bird caught inside my stomach, fluttering and scratching.  In my brain, it's a ticking time bomb, seconds away from exploding.  My heart a tiny field mouse, trapped between the paws of a curious house cat.  Oh, my heart... a broken, aching thing, beating but barely in tact.

The gnawing pain of it all is shocking, how thoroughly each nerve is absorbed, soaked in it.  An elephant on my chest, needles in my eyes.  I think about a razor cutting my skin, how clean it would be until the blood would finally rush out of the wound, as if it had been sleeping as the razor passed, and slow to wake.  

So, yes, we can, but will we?

Congratulations to president-elect, Barack Obama.  The hardest part of this presidential election was enduring all of those annoying, crazy, conservative emails that my mother sent me.  Every day, I awakened to a new revelation: Obama the terrorist, Obama the fake US citizen, Obama the Muslim, Obama the corrupt politician.  Luckily, my hard work paid off!  Obama will be president, and my mother will hopefully leave me alone. 

I'm thrilled, I'm relieved, and I'm terrified.  I'm a natural cynic (see one of my posts below for proof), and I am immediately wary of anyone in politics promising change.  The creed that Obama repeated several times tonight, "Yes, we can!" - is that for real?  I mean, of course we can, but will we?  Will he?  

Regardless, it has to be better than the past 8 years.  How beautiful was it to cry tears of joy in response to a presidential election.  It almost felt like I was in another country other than the US!  

And I sympathize with McCain supporters who are saying things like, "I want to be in a 4-year coma", or "The country just got weaker."  I know how that feels.  However, it's impossible to make the comparison between Obama and Bush, so I also encourage McCain supporters to get over it.  Did you really think he would win anyway?  Especially after Palin?  C'mon.  At least the Democrats were close in the last two elections (and perhaps rightful winners, but that's an argument for Pete, the staunch liberal, to make).  

I have nothing new to add to the conversation about US politics, honestly.  I'm not a very political person.  However, this was a historical election, and I definitely did my part - I voted!  And for the right candidate, apparently.  

However, there is one issue that I am fervently opposed to - Proposition 8.  The Christian agenda is so incredibly offensive and cruel sometimes, it boggles my mind that people find this shit acceptable.  I grew up as a born-again Christian (Baptist), and regularly went to church.  About three years ago, I finally admitted, aloud, that I was an atheist.  Still a scary thing to admit to this day, considering my background.  Anyhow, having escaped from that line of thinking, I'm perhaps a bit more impatient when it comes to their antics.  

I understand that God frowns upon homosexuality, but God has nothing to do with Proposition 8, or at least, He shouldn't have anything to do it with it.  It has to do with marriage, as a contract, not as something recognized and blessed by God.  For some reason, the thought of children learning about homosexuality and same sex marriage in school is incredibly frightful.  Not sure what that's about, but it's unlikely that marriage would even be discussed at school.  It feels, to me, like a hateful, discriminatory proposition, and I'm shocked that it's not being rejected without question.  Whenever I see those "Yes on Prop 8!" supporters on the streets, I cringe.  Who are those people?  And why are they so afraid and/or concerned with homosexuals?  Crazy Christians, I bet.

On a lighter note, in 10 years, we'll hopefully have a BART extension down to San Jose.  Will I be here in the South Bay in 10 years to reap the benefits?  God, I hope not.