Thursday, May 20, 2010

Silicon Valley vs. Manhattan

I've been living back in New York City for just over 2 months now.

It's as if I had never left. The city's noises and mess are soothing, not jarring or rude. My social calendar is jam-packed, with dinners and drinks and brunches nearly every day. And finally, after years in the outer boroughs, I am living back in Manhattan! Not only that, I'm only a handful of blocks from work, a decent 15-minute walk at most. My friends are here, my favorite restaurants are here, my preferred lifestyle is here. I'm home!

Or not.

When the invite to move back to New York popped up, I cringed. Why now, a year after the misery is over?

This time last year, all I wanted to do was move back to New York! I begged and pleaded, and loathed my surroundings because there were no friends, N train, 8th Street, Shake Shack, etc. I felt like I had come out to California for a reason that no longer existed, and all I wanted to do was go back home.

And then I found the true reason for being out in California. Real love, the kind that makes your heart flutter, the kind that makes me want to cry just thinking about not having him near me. I was happy again, for the first time in years. My heart was full, and professionally, I was soaring.

Now they ask me go to New York. Isn't life funny?

So, after two months here, with one more to go, is New York still my home? Yes and no. A huge part of my heart is here. My friends are amazing. They're smart, sarcastic, funny, kind, and supportive. They're everything I'd want friends to be. And this city is dynamic, surprising and endearing. I feel more at peace walking down 5th Avenue than I ever would hiking on some scenic California hillside. It is home.

And so is California. While there are many reasons why I think California is awful, there is one reason why I can't wait to go back: hippies. No, not really. That reason is my boyfriend (and hippies). The cliche of "your home is where your heart is" proves to be true in this case, because the majority of my heart is in Santa Cruz, near Mission Street. There are other pieces in different places: New York and Chicago, mainly. But I want to be with my boyfriend. I want to live in California.

And that's what I came out here to find in a way. When I left New York, it was a hard decision and it did not feel entirely my own. I did it mainly for someone else, and not for myself.

And when I leave New York again (hopefully not for the last time--love does travel), in June, I will be leaving partly for someone else, too. But mostly for myself. I want to be happy, and to love and be loved. I never thought I would find someone so incredibly sweet, thoughtful, funny, smart, and sexy. It kills me that I have to wait another 3 weeks before I can be with him. I never want to be apart for this long ever again. I'm absolutely certain.

Life is funny. And it's amazing. You never know how good things can get, and how fast things can change for the better.

I can't wait to leave New York.